i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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