a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize