Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
