he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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