I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
