So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize