I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
