honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
