also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
