i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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