I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
