We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
