nut hugger
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
