i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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