I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
