You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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