I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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