She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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