P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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