Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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