my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
