I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
