I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
