my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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