You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
