he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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