She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
