ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
