i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize