Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
