so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
