Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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