There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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