biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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