Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
