it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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