How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
