i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When are your genitals available?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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