No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
