I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
