Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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