i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize