Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
