So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
