so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
