Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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