In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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