if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
