Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
