there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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