Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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