woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
