I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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