i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
