Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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