and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize