this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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