and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
