I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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