I only kidnapped one of them. chill
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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