Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
