i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
