Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
