and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize