dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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