dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize