Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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