A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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