You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
