I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
