I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
