I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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