you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize