Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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