So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
