Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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