everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize