Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
