the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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